Scene: The briefing room of a nondescript organization. A group of very serious-looking men and women in uniform are gathered around a projector screen. At the front of the room, a man with a mustache and a clipboard clears his throat.

Colonel: Right, listen up everyone. We've got an urgent mission on our hands. Three Tone Murph is in dire need of medical assistance.

Sgt. Johnson: (whispering) Isn't that the chap who looks like a boiled lobster every time he goes on holiday?

Colonel: (ignoring Johnson) Yes, we've all seen the picture. Typical Irish bloke on holiday, bright red, looking like he's been barbecued under the sun. Poor lad's gone and burned the jasus out of himself, and now he's driving Mrs. T absolutely bonkers.

Captain: What do we need to do, sir?

Colonel: (consulting his clipboard) Murph has sent a very specific shopping list. Here’s the plan:

(The projector screen lights up with a list and map.)

Colonel: First, we need Woodie Pure White Mid Sheen Emulsion. We’ll load this on board at Casement. It’s crucial for the, er, post-sunburn redecorating of Murph, I presume.

Private Jenkins: (muttering) Paint for a sunburn? These Irish solutions...

Colonel: Next, we require Total Sun Block Factor 100. We’ll pick this up in Jersey. No, Jenkins, not the woolly kind—this is to prevent further Murph flambé.

(A snicker ripples through the room.)

Colonel: Then, Jungle Formula Mossie Spray. We have a pick-up arranged in Nantes. Apparently, the mozzies there have a taste for Irish cuisine.

Lt. Thompson: What if they want dessert?

Colonel: That's where the Aloe Vera comes in—two cases, to be exact. We'll collect these in Ampuriabrava. It’s the soothing pudding to our mission’s main course.

(More laughter as Jenkins feigns writing in a notebook.)

Colonel: Finally, the drop-off point is Nice. Murph and family were last spotted in Monaco, having high tea with some VIP types. Probably the only Irishmen who can look both sunburnt and posh at the same time.

(The room erupts in laughter.)

Colonel: (smiling) Alright, you lot, keep it together. Let's get this mission rolling. Remember, lives and sunburns are at stake. Dismissed!

(Everyone stands up, still chuckling, and starts to prepare for the mission.)

Colonel: (to himself) Paint for sunburn… only an Irishman.